Air Force Amy Here…with Some Holiday Cheer!

Dear Friend,
 
Christmas can be a stressful time…what with all the shopping, decorating, office parties, etc.

But it’s Christmas Eve.  The hard part is almost done.  Time to kick back, relax and enjoy the holiday.
 
So to brighten your day, I thought I’d share some Christmas jokes to take the edge off and get you in the right spirit.  
Enjoy!

Air Force Amy
“Not Just Sex…An Adventure!”
www.AirForceAmy.com
 
* * *
 
The Santa at the shopping mall was quite surprised when he saw Air Force Amy asking to sit on his lap. 
 
We all know Santa doesn’t usually take requests from adults, but she smiled at him very nicely and he ended up asking her what she wanted for Christmas.
 
“Something for my mother, please,” Amy replied.
 
“Something for your mother? That’s very loving and thoughtful of you,” smiled Santa. “What would you like me to bring her?”
 
Amy answered quickly, “A son-in-law!”
 
* * * *
 
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the gates of heaven.
 
“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”
 
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “This represents a candle,” he said.
 
“Very well, you may pass through the pearly gates,” said Saint Peter.
 
The second man reached into his pockets and pulled out a set of keys. They jingled as he shook them and he said, “They’re bells.”
 
Saint Peter said, “You may also enter heaven.”
 
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties. 
 
Saint Peter looked at the man, puzzled. 
 
“And just what do those symbolize?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.
 
The man replied, “These are Carol’s.”
 
* * *
 
Q: Why is Santa so jolly? 
A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
 
(YES!  He comes to the Bunny Ranch every year!)
 
Q: How do snowmen make babies?
A: Snowballs, of course.
 
Q: What do the female reindeer do when the guys are out working?
A: They go into town and blow a few bucks.
 
Q: Why doesn’t Santa have any kids?
A: Because he only comes once a year.
 
Q: What’s Santa’s safe sex tip?
A: Wrap your package before shoving it down the chimney.
 
Q: Why does Santa land on the roof?
A: Because he likes it on top.
 
Q: What do a train set and boobs have in common?
A: They were both made for kids but dads can’t help playing with them.
 
Q: What did Santa sing when he went down the chimney?
A: “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…”
 
Q: Why did the snowman want a divorce?
A: Because his wife was a total flake.
 
Q: What do you call an elf who sings?
A: A wrapper!
 
Q: What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A: The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

(Hat tip: Pippa Raga at Distractify.com)

 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!


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